Finding Gratitude - When You’re Not Feeling Grateful

This time of year is one where we’re often forced to answer the question “What are you thankful for?” For many people, that question right now is pretty rage-inducing…particularly for survivors of sexual violence. 

Each day our feeds are full of serial perpetrators who not only have avoided accountability, but somehow managed to rise to a level of fame and/or power that even the most accomplished and honorable never reach. 

The truth is that most survivors are intimately aware of how our society often turns a blind eye to their trauma and lets those who harmed them off the hook. However, many have recently experienced the added trauma of seeing their closest loved ones actively elevate and hand power over our rights and bodies to those with a well-documented history of perpetrating sexual violence.

But now is the time to be ‘thankful’? We know a lot of survivors who would love to tell you where you can go with your gratitude.

But rest assured, we are not here to force gratitude on anyone.

Nothing is more infuriating and insulting than telling people how they should feel. And telling survivors how they should feel is a different level of awful.

It is valid to feel hopeless, angry, or checked out.

It’s OK to feel all of those things. But it’s also possible to feel gratitude alongside them.

So, if you’re searching for gratitude, here are some tips to get started:

1. Start Small - When we think about gratitude, it’s common to feel pressured to think big. But (like most things in life) it often works better to start small. So, whether it’s the warm sun on your face, a kind gesture from a friend, or simply the fact that you woke up this morning and are reading this now, start by thinking about small things you are grateful for.

2 Don’t Force It - We often hear “fake it ‘til you make it.” But that doesn’t often work when it comes to gratitude. If you have an unsupportive family, attempting to force yourself to feel grateful for them isn’t the best use of your energy. Instead..

3. Look for (and THANK) the Helpers - You’ve probably heard the famous Mr. Rogers quote - advice his mother shared with him as a child when he saw upsetting things in the news - “Look for the helpers.” Whether it’s a supportive loved one, a creator, an activist, or a nonprofit organization, think of those who have inspired you or given you hope…and let them know that they are making a difference. 

4. Give Back - One powerful way to express gratitude is to give back, especially to activists organizations those doing important work to support survivors and increase accountability - like Callisto! This can look like: sharing a testimonial, making a donation, sending an E-Card, or even ordering merch that helps sustain our work! 


And just remember that - no matter your relationship with gratitude - we are so incredibly grateful for YOU.

Thank you for continuing to care about, and fight, for survivors…even when it’s exhausting. 

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